If you’re like most people, you’d never heard of the term luminosexual until clicking on this blog post. And you might be wondering, “What’s the definition of luminosexual?” Or maybe you’re thinking, “What’s the difference between luminosexual vs. demisexual?”

When my friend introduced me to this term, it was a massive opening and shift for me.

I’ll get to the story in just a moment, but seriously, mind blown. ????

Prior to this blog post, there was only one place on the internet that even talked about what luminosexual means. Even the AVEN wiki (an encyclopedia created by the Asexual Visibility Education Network) doesn’t include the term among their pages.

As such, it felt really important for me to unpack the definition of luminosexual on this blog. That way, we’re able to support other heart-centered beings with understanding the way they experience their sexuality. Especially if they are luminosexual themselves and feel like they’re alone in that experience.

If you’re reading this and you identify as luminosexual, I want you to know that I see you. Your experience of the world is valid, and there’s nothing wrong with you. You are a special, sacred Being of Light, and you deserve utmost joy and happiness.

[Related: How to Have Sacred Sex – 5 Ways to Make Sex Healing, Not Shameful]

What is Luminosexuality?

If you’ve followed me on Facebook or Instagram, you might know that I’m a big Harry Potter nerd. In my bedroom, I have a light switch cover that says, “Lumos” and “Nox.” If you’re a fellow Potterhead, you’ll already know that “lumin-” means “light.” Being luminosexual, in short, means that I’m attracted to a person’s inherent light. Their soul. Their vibration.

My friend articulated it this way: A person who is turned on by heart-centered presence, kindness, and radiant, high-frequency auric fields due to compassionate loving consciousness.

For me, it means that I’m only attracted to people who embody kindness and heart-centered presence. And typically at very high, consistent levels. With whom I connect and engage spiritually the vast majority of the time. This shows up most prominently in my romantic and sexual relationships, and it also shows up in some intimate friendships.

Anyway, that’s a side-bar.

The Tumblr post defines ‘luminosexual’ a bit differently: attraction that feels like a ray of light shining through a window, calm and warm

While the Tumblr definition is more artistic, I find it less useful because of its poetry. But knowing that I’m attracted to a person’s heart-centered presence, kindness, and radiant, high-frequency auric fields gives me some direction and clarity on what kinds of partners I’d seek or call in, and how I’d want to connect with them as I’m getting to know them.

Luminosexual vs. Demisexual

Those familiar with various asexual identities might wonder how being luminosexual differs from being demisexual. Being luminosexual vs. demisexual means that I’m attracted to a person’s energy vs. my emotional connection with them.

Prior to learning about the term luminosexual, I identified as queer, pansexual, or demisexual. (Sometimes all three.) While I still resonate somewhat with those terms, luminosexual is a much closer fit to how I actually navigate, understand, and experience my sexuality. I think of “luminosexual” as a subset of “demisexual.”

In case you’re unfamiliar with any of those terms (not just luminosexual), here’s a primer:

• Queer is a catch-all bucket for anyone that’s part of the LGBTQIA+ community. People who are lesbians can identify as queer, so can people who are gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, sapiosexual… and so on. When you hear about academic research, it’s often referred to as “queer theory.” I often use the term queer because it is such a catch-all and I don’t have to use multiple hyper-specific labels to explain my experience and existence.
• Pansexual means that a person is attracted to people of all genders. This person tends to be attracted to people’s personalities rather than their body parts, identity, or representation. This definition on the AVEN wiki gives more nuance to this description.
• A demisexual person only experiences attraction to people with whom they have an established emotional connection, which may start out as an intellectual connection. Some demisexual people seldom experience sexual attraction, and others experience it more often. Common denominators tend to be putting a lot of pressure on first dates, having crushes on friends, and having more difficulty establishing sexual relationships.

In short, it’s there’s an overlap between being luminosexual vs. demisexual. Both likely require you to have a deeper connection to your intimate partner.

For my part, I’m very resistant to having sexual experiences with someone I don’t know, like, trust, and respect. In fact, that’s often a pre-requisite for me even crushing on someone at this point. They have to meet these criteria: This is someone with whom I’ve already been vulnerable. Someone who’s often expressed deep excitement and enthusiasm for doing personal development work. Someone who’s supported me with doing that healing work.

If you’re looking for support as a demisexual person, you can learn more at the Demisexuality Resource Center.

Dating as a Luminosexual vs. Demisexual Person

Because luminosexuality falls on the asexuality spectrum, someone who is purely luminosexual may not frequently experience sexual attraction to people. If they are in an environment where kind, heart-centered people are more common, then they may experience sexual attraction more frequently.

As a luminosexual person, I’ve typically found more people to whom I’m attracted in a few different spaces: personal development seminars, authentic relating spaces, and Facebook groups that prioritize social justice and intersectional feminism. Those relationships start as connections, friendships. Over time, as I’ve witnessed that person’s ability to hold space for me (and I’ve held space for them), I become more deeply attracted to them as a person and as a potential partner.

To be clear: like any sexual orientation, this is not a choice. This is part of what is inherently necessary for me to experience sexual attraction, period.